Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
