yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
