"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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