Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
