Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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