I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
