watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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