So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
