You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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