I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
