why didn't you poke me back
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
