I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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