I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
