I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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