I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
