he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
