If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
