The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
