i may or may not be watching the land before time
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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