are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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