ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
