I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
