Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
