They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
