why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
