I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
