Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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