when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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