Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
