oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
