Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
