Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
