and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
