put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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