i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
