I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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