I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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