I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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