Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Can you bring me the toilet please
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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