We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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