To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
