my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
