apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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