You're so nebulous sometimes
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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