i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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