He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
the liver wants what the liver wants
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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