She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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