you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
