dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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