I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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