i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
